Stronger
by HermioneK
Summary: Maka thought her life with Soul was perfect. Then he told her something that changed everything.


**Okay, everything that happens in this story happened to my boyfriend and me, only I'm not good at writing about myself, so I projected it onto other characters. ****That's why it will seem OOC****. The people close to me gave good feedback, so I nervously posted it online. Please don't flame it, it took an enormous amount of courage to write.**

**Maka's POV**

"You should try on some skinny jeans," I said, eyeing a pair of black jeans on display in Hot Topic.

"Really?" Soul rolled his eyes. "...Ok. Wait a sec, are these girls' jeans, or guys'?"

"Does it matter? Just try them on."

He walked into one of the changing rooms in the back and returned moments later, looking as amazing as I thought he would. However, I didn't want to seem like a creep, so I played coy.

I picked through the plethora of rubber bracelets sporting various band names, acting uninterested.

"What do you think?"

"...I was going to ask YOU that."

I turned my attention to him. "They seem a little big-"

"Maka, they're already crushing my balls."

"-but I think they look good. You should get them."

Then I turned and saw they had a pair of red and black Vans, and I couldn't help but think that they'd look great with Soul's red and black suit.

Soul turned to go back into the dressing room, but not before I heard him mutter "WOMEN!" under his breath.

While he changed, I checked to see if they had his shoe size, eight. I knew the size without thinking about it from all of our ice skating and rollerblading dates. Unfortunately, eight was the only size they DIDN'T have.

He exited the changing room, shrugging on his jacket, which blew a whiff of his cologne my way. I gladly inhaled.

We walked hand-in-hand out of Hot Topic.

"Since YOU tried on skinny jeans, I'll try on a dress."

"I would NEVER make you do that."

"But I don't really mind. It could be fun."

"But it would ruin my image of you. You NEVER wear dresses. And Lord Death needs us in fifteen minutes, so we wouldn't really have time. And I've got a better idea."

"Well if you insist..."

"I do."

He took my hand and sat me down on a bench.

I pulled Thin Mints from my purse: I knew they were Soul's favorite cookies. He was talking about something (I wasn't really listening) but stopped mid-sentence when he spotted the delicious cookies.

His eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and I could all but see a tail wagging, begging me for them.

I wordlessly stuffed a cookie in his mouth, laughing as he choked.

While chewing, he pulled a piece of folded paper from his wallet. "I mayde dish fer 'ou" he said around the cookie. He unfolded it and handed it to me.

I gasped, my eyes pouring over the paper. It was beautiful.

He had made me a drawing. It was a heart, with a setting sun drawn inside it. "You are my creativity, my inspiration, and my joy. Love, Soul," was written on the outside edge of the heart.

"Do you like it?" he asked, knotting his hands together. I couldn't believe that he was actually worried about me not liking it.

"No," I said.

His face was one of complete shock. He looked as if I had just turned around and stabbed him. "Wha-why-"

"I LOVE it."

I shut him up by feeding him another cookie.

"So are you EVER going to kiss me?" I asked, impatient. This was our fourth date, after all. It was time for him to make his move.

"Um...uh...yeah." He started to lean in, and I laughed.

"I hope you don't plan on kissing me with that hat on. It won't work very well."

He was wearing a baseball hat, and if he had leaned in to kiss me, the bill would only get in the way.

I reached up, giggling, and turned the bill around so it was backward.

Then I sat there with my hands on the edge of the bench at my sides, swinging my feet, and staring up at him.

He took a deep breath and stared straight ahead, wiping his palms on his jeans. "Ok...nervous breakdown..."

"Just do it-"

Before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine, cutting off my sentence.

They were warm, hesitant, and chapped. Just as I was starting to enjoy it, he pulled away.

"So?" he asked, looking for a critique.

"It was kinda short," I said, being honest.

He leaned in to kiss me again, but it was still just a peck on my lips.

He pulled out his phone: "Crap, Lord Death wants us NOW. We gotta go." He stood up, proffering his hand to help me up.

Even though we had finally kissed, I couldn't help but feel disappointed.

S: Hey

M: Hello.

S: Come on, Maka, it's a text. No need to be so formal.

M: *ahem* Heyyy BABYCAKES, wuts shakin'?

S: Much better lol

M: So what are you favorite love songs?

S: Oh gosh...I have so many. Hold up, it's gonna take me a while to decide.

I patiently waited until his love song text came through, and because I already had them on my iPod, grouped them in a new playlist. We were going to have a special cooking date on Tuesday, and I thought it would be fun to have some 'lovey dovey' background music.

Besides, now that I had a boyfriend, I could finally listen to love songs without feeling like a moron.

I couldn't wait until Tuesday!

*Monday morning, before school*

"Hey, Maka," said Soul. "Do you think you could stay after school today? I need to talk to you.

_Uh-oh. There's only one thing a person means when they're in a relationship and they say that: he's going to dump me. But WHY? Everything's going so well...we just kissed...and we have another date planned...Why?...Nah, he wouldn't dump ME..._

All of these thoughts flashed through my mind in an instant, until I replied: "Well, er, not really. I have to stay with Stein and help the younger kids."

"Well, maybe you could meet me during second hour, at ten-thirty?"

"Sure."

I walked to class, wondering what Soul could possibly say that was so important.

When 10:30 rolled around, I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, then met Soul in the hallway.

"What's up?" I asked, nonchalantly.

"Um, come with me," he said, walking further down the hallway, and further from the bathroom, where

I told the teacher I would be.

"Soul, stop! I told the teacher I'd be in the bathroom! I don't want to break her trust!"

"Just come on!"

I had never seen him so adamant about anything before. So with me groaning and him yelling I eventually forced him to stop by the drinking fountain.

"Soul, enough! You need to stop stalling!"

He glanced over his shoulder and squirmed, clearly uncomfortable. "Well, um, ever since seventh grade, I thought I was bi. Like, um, B-I-"

"I know."

"You know?"

"Well, I didn't KNOW, I just know what you mean."

"Oh...okay. Well, um, I realize now that I'm...not." He stared at me expectantly. I just shook my head and pressed my lips together, urging him to explain some further. "I'm gay."

_I knew it! What did I tell you? You KNEW he'd break up with you!_

_BRAIN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!_

"Um, okay," I said, not showing any emotion.

A million thousand questions ran through my head, none of which I voiced. I turned around and started walking back to class.

Soul and I made polite small talk, none of which I remembered later.

I turned into the girls' bathroom, and Soul looked surprised. "What? I actually DO have to go to the bathroom."

And with that he hurried away.

Of course, I did not need to use the bathroom. I just needed some alone time.

_FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!_

I tried to force myself to cry, to show SOME emotion, but no tears would come. I washed my hands and walked back to class.

After a few minutes of not volunteering to answer the teacher's questions, Tsubaki could tell that something was wrong.

"Maka, what's going on?" she asked. But I merely stared straight ahead, completely shout out to the world. A few seconds later, she left.

My thoughts and I were the only things left.

_What the hell just happened?_

I came home from school, glad I could finally be alone. I threw my backpack on the ground, absolutely REFUSING to do homework for once in my life. Playing my iPod, I painstakingly removed the playlist I had entitled 'Love Songs,' biting my lip as I did so. _Guess we won't be having that cooking date anymore..._I gave a sob every time a song reminded me of us.

Not surprisingly, it was pretty much every song.

After a while, I came to a realization: I was CRYING over a boy. First, I was CRYING; and second, over a BOY. I, Maka Albarn, kishin defeater, Death-scythe meister, was CRYING over a stupid BOY.

I flopped on my bed. My classes were arranged in such a way that I didn't actually have any homework, once I thought about it.

With my newly-found free time, I settled down with _The Hunger Games._ It had been almost a year since I had last read it, and now I was looking forward to re-re-reading it.

I gave a sigh as I read a particularly romantic part between Katniss and Peeta.

No girl would ever admit it, but every girl always has romantic fantasies. Every girl projects herself onto every couple she sees, fictional or not.

And I was no exception.

Every hug they shared, every kiss, every romantic compliment sent a stab of pain through my heart, which I realized was jealousy.

_I don't have a Peeta. Did I ever? Well, it doesn't matter because it's gone, and I'll never get it back. He'll never kiss me or take me ice skating, or protect me in the Hunger Games, or laugh at a stupid movie with me. He's gone. _We're _gone. I just lost Soul…who's funny, cute, smart-STOP! STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!_

I stood up and took a shower. All my stupid iPod music (I listen to my iPod in the shower, got a problem with that?) kept reminding me of him, and eventually I broke down in sobs that wracked my whole body. I gave up trying to wash my hair and simply sat on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest; hoping that if I stayed in the shower long enough, that I, too, would wash down the drain.

Upon exiting the shower and checking my phone, I saw five missed calls from Tsubaki. I knew I couldn't keep her in the dark any longer. In only a bra and underwear, I ran a hand through my wet hair, slid my back down the bathroom door until I was sitting, and called her back.

Once I told her what had happened, I think she was crying more than I was."I'm so sorry, Maka!"

To get a hold of myself, I created a list; something I always did when I was upset. I entitled this list 'Lingering Questions' and set to work.

1. Do your parents know?

2. Who else knows?

3. Did you mean any of those sappy lyrics, when you kissed me, all those times you said you loved me?

4. What do I do now?

5. When did you know?

6. Are you confused?

7. Did I make you gay?

My phone rang while writing. It was a message from Soul.

S: I'm so sorry. I really do care about you. I didn't ever see this coming. I never meant to hurt you.

M: It's okay, I'm just super super confused. And I bet you are too.

S: I dunno I'm kinda at peace with it. I feel like I've finally kinda 'found myself' ya know? I know it's cheesy lol. What are you confused about?

_FUCK!_ I crossed number 6 off my questions list. I glanced down and found an angry message from Liz, who had apparently also been told by Soul.

L: WHAT THE FUCK? WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS, BREAKING YOUR HEART LIKE THAT? LET'S GO KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP!

I bit my lip and sent a reply.

M: Liz, calm down. It's not his fault. He didn't do it on purpose. We can't be mad at him. And besides, what's the honor in killing someone in their sleep?

L: LOL, gurl, glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. And what's up with you being so rational?

M: Lol idk.

Another message came from Soul. I gripped the edge of my desk, where I sat, staring at the remaining questions on the list. I gripped it until my knuckles turned white. _Do I really want to read this? Do I want to talk to him?_

S: I feel terrible though. Just know that you're awesome and amazing and nothing is wrong with you! You didn't make me gay. And I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really like to be friends. But I'll give you your space if you need it though. I'll answer any of your questions, I swear! I have no problems with it.

I fell back on my pillow. _You make it so hard to hate you…_

"_I'm so sorry, Maka."_

"_I really DO care about you."_

"_We can still be friends…"_

I groaned in frustration while his text messages fluttered through my mind. I slammed a pillow on top of my face.

I hated this moping around. I hated this self-pity. I hated feeling. I hated myself for hating feeling. I hated myself for giving into Love. I hated my heart for getting the better of me. I hated everything.

I thought back to our time at the mall, when we kissed. _Did he even mean it? Why'd he do it? He didn't even like me! Was I a mistake? Was I the deciding factor that finally helped him figure out that he was gay?_

Then I realized something: he was gay. _No, duh!_ But _I _was his first kiss. Would that bother him? I mean, I THINK it would bother me. But I don't know!

I hated not knowing.

Later on, I called him back. I knew it would hurt, but I needed closure.

"Hey," I said, sighing.

"Hello," he said back.

I could feel the awkward tension in the air, but I was determined to make it go away. I actually DID want to be friends with him, and it would never happen if we were awkward.

Glancing down at my list, I methodically started at the top, and worked my way down. Numbers six and seven were already hacked off with a hurried scribble that left an ugly scar on the paper; one that reminded me of my heart. "So, um, do your parents know you're gay?"

He gave a bark of laughter.

"I guess that's a 'no'," I muttered to myself, meticulously crossing the first question off my list.

"And I've only told Black*Star, Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, and Kid. Can we keep it that way?

_Gosh damn it, Soul, why are you so good at reading my mind?_ "Sure." _There goes number two…_ "Um, when …when did you know?" I jumped down to number five, crossing it off while waiting impatiently for a response.

"Know what?"

His only answer was my silence.

"Well, I guess I knew it Saturday."

I took a moment to think. I mean, I'm not a lesbian; try as I might, I'll never fully understand what he's going through. To ME it was like he just woke up and thought _"Hmm..I'm going to be gay today!"_ It's not like any of his actions gave himself away. And it's not like I had any warning, either. He kind of just dropped it on me…

All I could do was sigh.

"Are you okay? You've been sighing a lot."

_SHUT UP!_ "Honestly? No, I feel like crap. But I hate talking about emotions and feelings, and, even more than that, I hate when people see me weak."

"I don't know how you're talking to me right now. If I was you, I'd hate me right now."

I again, sighed. "I don't hate YOU, Soul, I just…hate the world right now. I hate the situation I've been put in. I hate the fact that I feel like I've been swept aside. I hate feelings."

"I'm so sorry, Maka."

As I sensed the conversation was nearing an end, I suddenly felt a new-found sense of urgency. "WAIT! DON'T GO!" I cried out, surprising myself as much as Soul.

"Are your next questions any easier?"

I glanced at the one remaining question on my list that I felt brave enough to ask. "Not really…"

"Shoot."

"Okay. Um, well, d-did you mean any of those sappy song lyrics that you texted me, those times you kissed me, all those times you said you loved me?" I was especially glad that I had written my questions down: I wouldn't have had the courage to ask them otherwise.

I heard him suck in a breath. I had hit the nail right on the head in terms of 'hard questions' category.

"Well…" he stopped, thinking for a moment. "Yeah. I meant all of it."

I wondered how this was possible if he was gay.

Somehow it just didn't make any sense to me.

Somehow it just didn't add up.

The next day, after class, I waited outside the room. I needed to talk with Harvar about a group project.

Suddenly Patty approached me and said, "Gee, I heard what happened with Soul. It's such a shame. But he'll make a really good gay gay! And it's kind of sweet…But you guys were such a good couple!"

I wanted to strangle the girl, take my frustration out on her, beat every inch of her body, but I didn't.

_BITCH, HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I FEEL?_

Instead, I shrugged my shoulders, gave a noncommittal "sure," and walked away, deciding that Harvar could call me if our group project was really that important. I somehow doubted it.

For the first time in my life, I really didn't give a damn about my grades. Which really scared me. _What's happening to me?_

A few days later as I was packing my backpack, my mind drifted back to Soul.

_Seriously? I'm still thinking about this? He's just a stupid boy. Get over it._

I never really cried or felt sad before. Sure, if someone made fun of me, or made me really upset I'd cry, but never because I was SAD. I was sick of thinking about him; I wanted to move on.

I'd never felt self-pity, either.

I was struggling with my emotions. I tried to cover them up, or better yet, forget about them. I skyped Tsubaki, trying to explain my predicament and how I felt. It was hard for me to do.

She messaged back, "It is not stupid to be sad, okay? That's saying it's stupid to feel. And it's not. You are a human being. And the fact that you are sad proves that he meant something to you. Don't be angry at yourself. Express it through art or music."

I took a deep breath and sat down at my desk, hesitantly picking up a pencil and a piece of paper.

_"'You should try on some skinny jeans',"_ I wrote with a trembling hand, anxious to write my feelings, but also scared.


End file.
